Why I didn't want to be a mother back then

By Sarah RaparoliLex Kleren Switch to German for original article

"I have had an abortion." A sentence that is very difficult for a lot of people to say in such a case. Understandable, because there is still a seemingly insurmountable taboo surrounding the deliberate termination of a pregnancy. A woman tells her story.

There can be many reasons why something is taboo. One reason can be the aspect of legality: If something is illegal, people don't like to talk about it. This could therefore explain the taboo surrounding abortions. The emphasis is on "could", because ending an unwanted pregnancy is legal in Luxembourg.

Another reason can be found in the way society deals with the issue. This is confirmed by Patricia (name changed by the editors), who asked to remain anonymous in this article, "not because I am ashamed, but because I do not dare to speak publicly about my experience". Yes, the topic is being avoided – publicly as well as privately. The latter has a simple reason for the now 31-year-old: "It's extremely personal. I don't want anyone to make me feel guilty." From the very beginning, she wanted to make her own decisions. Without anyone interfering. Or judging her.

Patricia looks back on the first year of the pandemic. The decision to end her pregnancy had been made from the beginning, she says. "At that time I saw myself as a person who was still too selfish. I wanted to focus on myself first before bringing a child into the world. I wanted to experience things." She clears her throat and adds: "This may sound strange, but it was like that". Even though these statements might point to y hint of insecurity, it becomes clear during the conversation that she knew exactly what she wanted – and what she didn't want. "If I were to find myself at this point in my life again, I would do it all over again. At that moment it was the right decision and I don't regret it."

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