Staying a father: The challenge after separation

*This article was preceded by an interview with the people responsible for the Familljen-Centrer and InfoMann.

All names have been changed to protect the person concerned.

Claude has been separated since November. The same month in which he became a father for the first time. Towards the end of the pregnancy, it became clear that complications would arise in the relationship. However, he would never have expected an immediate separation and everything that has happened since then. For months, the young father has been fighting over visitation rights for his son Jimmy. The court has actually allocated him specific times: two hours in the A weeks and two and a half in the B weeks. However, the meetings with his child are proving difficult, as Jimmy's mother is not in favour of his visits.

The reason, or rather one of the reasons: Claude wants a paternity test to finally put an end to the emotional back and forth. But back to the beginning. Jimmy's mum broke up with Claude for the first time back at the maternity ward. After a few days of "reconciliation", their relationship was definitely over. "She just took the child and left, " reports the young father. During the ten days of paternity leave that he had taken, everything was actually okay despite the separation: the early 30-year-old was allowed to visit the little one, the time spent together was enjoyed despite tensions between the parents, everything seemed to somehow fall into place, albeit differently than planned.

In constant uncertainty

But then the situation changed. "My ex started to decide everything: when I was allowed to see the little one, that I was no longer allowed to hold him, simply everything, " reports Claude. Since then, he hasn't been able to spend a second alone with his son, as the mother and parents-in-law are always present to dictate the schedule of visits. Claude's parents, on the other hand, are not allowed to see their grandson. After two months, in February, Claude had enough: he asked for a paternity test, initially out of frustration, but then because he gradually began to have doubts – he wanted certainty.

The problem: in Luxembourg, the consent of both parents is required to subject a minor child to a DNA test. Claude's ex refused the procedure and drew her consequences. "I didn't see the little one for three months at a time. But the police don't do anything about the case until a decision is made in court, which still hasn't happened yet, " complains Claude, who has been living in uncertainty ever since. Uncertainty about whether and when he will see Jimmy, and uncertainty about whether the little boy is even his child.