The parents of angel babies: Left alone by the law
By Laura Tomassini, Lex Kleren Switch to German for original article
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During summer, Laura Tomassini met two mothers and a father, all three of whom have lost two children each. There is no specific bereavement leave for the parents of so-called angel babies in Luxembourg, as the topic is still taboo. Interviews like these are emotional even for experienced journalists, as they show how rigidity in the system often penalises those who are already at their lowest.
They are not easy conversations, because unlike many journalistic topics, they are not about "hard facts" presented by experts, but about what has been experienced and all the grief, despair and anger that resonate in the words. On 1 May, I was contacted via Instagram by a young mother – younger than me – who was looking for help through the media and wanted to share her story with me. The third sentence of her message: "Both of our twin sons passed away a few months ago." A week later, a couple sat opposite me, soberly explaining a dossier filled with letters and emails from and to the CNS, while alternately bursting into tears and almost unable to continue.
Krisztina Laszlo and her partner Stéphane wanted to talk about the death of their two sons, one, Raphaël, who died during pregnancy, the other, Gabriel Stéphane, just three days after his premature birth. Above all, however, the parents, who are now not allowed to be, wanted to talk about the injustice that has been happening to them since the beginning of the year. Krisztina was placed on unpaid maternity leave by the health insurance fund, meaning she received no maternity benefits, but this also blocked her sick leave. The details are too complex to explain in a review of the year, but just this much: there are many other couples just like Krisztina and Stéphane, for whom there is no legal empathy in Luxembourg.
Perinatal grief is and remains a taboo. Although special leave for miscarriages and stillbirths is mentioned in the current government's coalition agreement, we are still miles away from a concrete draft law. Laetitia, mother of the angel babies Gaïa and Gianni, also found herself helplessly at the mercy of the CNS rules when she lost both children in the same year. When babies die in the womb, it depends on whether this happens "late enough" or "too soon" – in the latter case, there is no right to maternity leave or time for mourning. What remains is a sick note issued by the gynaecologist or a psychologist. For fathers, things get complicated.
"If babies die in the womb, it depends on whether this happens 'late enough' or 'too early' – in the second case, there is no right to maternity leave or time for mourning."
The parents of angel babies do not want to discuss the fact that a society only functions with laws and rules. However, not only those affected, but also midwives, social workers and lawyers, who had their say in the article, are in favour of laws and rules offering a little more room for exceptions and empathy. While all of them and I can get back to our everyday lives after the publication of the text, all that remains for Krisztina, Laetitia and Stéphane is the emptiness left behind by the death of their children. An emptiness that hurts all the more when it can't be filled with time to remember the few moments they spent together, but with paperwork and frustration with administrations who didn't even want to comment on their situation.
Normally, I am a proponent of positive reviews to end the year on a happy note. This year, however, it's not the many pleasant interviews and easy-to-type articles that stick in my mind, but the moms and dads who are now only looking forward to the holidays to a limited extent because at least two loved ones are missing under their Christmas tree.
