Mum-shaming: when mothers become victims of hostility

"If you don't want to breastfeed, you shouldn't have children!", "If you find blood at birth disgusting, you should reconsider your desire to have children…", "What, your child is still sleeping in your bed at eight months?" – Every mum has probably heard sentences like these. As soon as it comes to children and child rearing, everyone is suddenly an expert: on breastfeeding, birth, sleeping patterns, nappies, baby food. No matter how they act, mothers are ridiculed, condemned and criticised, most often by other women and mothers.

Mum-shaming, as the phenomenon is officially known, doesn't just take place online or within the family circle, but also on the street. "Once we were out with several mums with our prams and the comment immediately came up asking if we were the latest crèche, " reports Carmen. The 33-year-old is mum to two sons aged one and five, works in digital marketing and is a member of the Mom Luxembourg community. She regularly meets up with Kelly and Kim as well as other mums to talk about parenthood, share their everyday lives on Instagram or simply spend time with their children.

Unabashed exposure on the internet

Carmen, Kim and Kelly are all too familiar with the topic of mum-shaming, as each of the three has had to listen to derogatory comments about their own actions. "Breastfeeding is definitely a hotly debated topic, but so is bottle-feeding, almost as a contrast, " says Kim, "Porridge or porridge-free, i.e. so-called 'baby-led weaning' (the baby's self-directed switch from breast or bottle milk to solid food, without porridge, ed.) also has potential for discussion, " says Carmen and "Precoce or at home with grandma" adds Kelly. The list of topics is long, because for every question there are at least two completely contradictory answers.

Anyone who doesn't take enough care of their child's needs and is "too" emancipated is a raven mum. If you opt for so-called needs-orientated parenting and put your own wishes second, you are considered a helicopter parent. Especially on social media, the threshold for patronising or spiteful comments is low – some "momfluencers" are not afraid to share posts and profiles, including the faces and names of others, in order to expose them for their statements in their own posts.