Editorial - Violence against women doesn't just happen on 16 days a year

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Today marks the start of this year's Orange Week – the two weeks or so each year during which Luxembourg consciously focuses its attention on violence against women. With film screenings, discussions, workshops and activities coordinated by the Conseil National des Femmes du Luxembourg (CNFL) and Zonta Lëtzebuerg, a dense programme is being created to give those affected space and show society that silence is not an option.

It is also a reminder that the issue accompanies us, or at least should accompany us, throughout the year. To open the door: We all know women who have suffered violence. Psychological, financial, physical and, above all, sexualised violence that goes far beyond catcalling on the street and takes place behind closed doors in what should be safe spaces. According to a Statec study from 2022, around one in ten women in Luxembourg is said to have been the victim of rape or attempted rape. Among women between 16 and 24, one in six is said to have suffered sexual violence.

However, the actual extent of gender-specific violence remains difficult to determine statistically. We are talking about invisible victims, those in the dark, who do not dare to talk about their experiences, let alone go to the police, or perhaps do not even understand what has happened to them.

In my environment, experiences of invisible violence are piling up. What is particularly difficult to digest is that these people are predominantly 16 to 24-year-olds, whose bodies have been interpreted and abused as objects available at will. The kind of violence that you only recognise as such years later because you thought to yourself at the time: "But that's love, after all I trust this person." In reality, however, these were clear, transgressive breaches of trust that the people in question are still struggling with years later and which make it difficult for them to feel safe and secure in new relationships.

For example, I know a young woman who wanted to take her time, but whose boyfriend became increasingly impatient after a few months – and finally took her hand and, as a "compromise" put it in his crotch. The next one was forced to have sex by her then girlfriend during a panic attack. "Then you'll finally calm down, " said the perpetrator – and then took off her trousers. Another, whose much older boyfriend regularly pushed her head into the pillow because he didn't want to see her motionless face while he raped her mercilessly. Yes, raped her. Because she never said "yes", but she never said "no" either, because he would never have listened anyway. She was his, to do with as he pleased.

I could go on like this for a while, but I assume that you get the point – and that you yourself may remember friends or family members who have confided in them time and again different, yet essentially similar stories. These friends and family members may even often report that their partners were not fully aware of their misbehaviour and did not act out of malice. After all, they were in a relationship and it was somehow understandable that they had to be available for sex at all times, even if they didn't really feel like it.